Dear Dad
by Sotto
Summary: It suprises me that I see so little of these, considering they're rather fun to write. Sadly, no slash... Somehow, Hawkeye and Trapper making out doesn't excite me. This is my first fanfiction, so go easy on me...
1. Chapter 1

_Dear Dad,_

_Though I'm not in the mood to admit it, the war goes on. At the moment, I'm sitting on the edge of my cot, martini glass in one hand and pen in the other. Trapper's unconscious right now, turned away from me, making his black eye unnoticeable. After several hours of thinking, I've decided to tell you about a startling discovery Trapper and I made. After a couple rather hectic weeks, we received some rather disturbing news from Henry…_

"Oh God Henry, please say this is some twisted joke!"

"Sorry Pierce, but you and your friend here are the only ones who do those."

I paced around Henry's office, fuming. Trapper, though equally disgruntled, remained seated.

"At least let me get some R&R, too! Either that, or put Radar in charge… Preferably the former, but I'm flexible." I exclaimed.

"Oh no… I'm not getting my but into traction again because of your little stunts… Also, Somehow, I imagine that Radar's just as bad as Burns… He has to enjoy the army somehow in order to remember to difference between a 7-A16/J and a HG-L31! And besides… It's not your job to tell me when I'm allowed to go to Tokyo… You sound like my wife when you do." My CO also lookedannoyed, though I couldn't think of a reason for him to be… He's not the one stuck with Instant Hitler.

"Henry, if there's one more parade, I swear to God, I will beat Radar with his own bugle!" Radar, who happened to have marched in here a split second after that was said, looked rather cross, which was understandable, considering the fact that Henry and I both had dragged him into this argument. I started to open my mouth to continue, but Henry was already halfway out the door, signing papers which were being conveniently handed to him by Radar all the time. "I'm sorry, Pierce, but that's that… Be good!" And with that, he started to Tokyo, leaving me, who happened to be so angry at the time; steam was coming out of my ears. I looked at Trapper, who had remained quiet throughout the entire argument. Surprisingly, instead of the annoyed look I expected, he seemed thoughtful.

"You know, Hawk, there's no way both of them are that dumb…" I stared at him questioningly. "Who?"

"Hot Lips and Ferret Face. One of them has to be a bad influence on the other. It's impossible for them both to be that…" He paused, struggling for a word. After a second, he gave up and continued. "In order for one to be a bad influence, the other would have to be smart and a decent person to begin with, therefore…" I grinned.

"We have an ally."


	2. Chapter 2

((Oops… I forgot to put a disclaimer in.

I do not own the characters of MASH, yadayadayada and a bucket of fish.

In this chapter, there will be a lot of Hawaiian. I am in no way hawaiian, and I cannot speak it. I got this off an internet tranlator, so I'm sorry if my grammer is wrong...))

_As you can probably tell, Trapper and I were giddy with the idea that we had another ally in the war against the majors, but I'll leave that subject for a moment in the sake of keeping events in order. Klinger was up to his old tricks again…_

"What are you wearing, corporal?" Demanded Major Ferret-Face.

"Lole, sir." Replied Klinger after he searched through his English to Hawaiian dictionary for the word "clothes". Klinger was dressed in a grass skirt, complete with coconut bra. His hairy legs showed obviously under the skirt… He looked like he was wearing one of the gorilla costumes that Trapper and I had gotten our greasy hands on. The two of us had been walking by, engrossed in a "very" important argument over who made the best martinis. We had officially decided not to speak of our discovery in public. It was rather hard not to notice the Lebanese corporal, who was entertaining a rather large crowd of people by hula-dancing, much to the disgust of Frank and Hot Lips.

"Get out of it!" Exclaimed Major Burns, his ferrety-face turning purple with disgust.

"'A'ole pili ia na wahine, sir!"

"He means, not close to the ladies, sir." Replied a giggling Nurse Kellye, who was rather happy to be used as a translator. Trapper and I, of course, were laughing harder that we thought was physically possible.

"This place will be back in shape when General Clayton comes." Frank was seething. At the mention of Margaret's lover, everyone from miles around stared in the direction of the blonde, who amazingly had remained quiet the entire time. She, upon realizing that she was the subject of our stares, led the other Major towards Henry's office.

Klinger, having just noticed us, grinned largely. "Aloha, sirs!"

"Aloha." Trapper and I replied.

"Nice clothes." Trapper complimented.

"Really, Klinger… They suit you." I added,

"Mahalo 'olua, sirs."

"He says, thank you." Kellye translated.

"Just out of curiousity… Where'd you get them?"

"Halloween 'a'ahu puke heluhelu, sirs. Na like 'ekahi 'oe loa'a ko keko pa'a lole mai."

"Halloween costume catalogue. The same one you got your monkey suit from." Translated the nurse.

"Oh... Thanks Klinger." Trapper and I started away.

"'A'ole pilikia!"

"No problem!"


End file.
